5 Questions with Activeness' JPD

We like to sit around Activeness Headquarters and interview ourselves.

At least we keep the interview to 5 questions so you can get back to training.

Click here for the interview.

Tri Coach

Looking for a tri coach?

Friend of Activeness (FOA) Mary has launched her new coaching business.

Click to check out her company Athletes In Multisport.

Good luck Mary!

Locker Room Talk

Overheard in the locker room recently at the gym:

Male #1: "Did you hear that ______ died?"
Male #2: "Oh no, you are kidding me! What happened?!"
Male #1: "Heart Attack."
Male #2: "That's why he hasn't emailed me back. [Pause]....I guess."

Author's thought: "You guess?"

Race Report: Lake Saint Louis Triathlon

August 22, 2009

It was only my second triathlon of the season, and possibly my last. It was also potentially my last dance in the 35-39 age group. The less racing I do, the more unsure I am of my fitness, endurance, and speed. Training is one thing, and I’m fairly consistent in that regard, but can I take it up a notch and be competitive on race day? I was anxious to find out the answer over the 1500 meter swim, 40K bike, and 10K run. Could I match my time from last year? Could I defend my age group win? Or should I just hope for a respectable time, knowing that as every year passes there are more demands on my time and energy and other worthy priorities to focus on?

I imagine myself walking down a long hallway with doors to offices on my left and right. At the end of the hall is a door that I’m trying to get to. Beyond that door is a goal, a race, a performance. Getting to that door takes work and preparation. If and when I get to that door then I know I’ve given myself a chance to do something special and achieve that rewarding feeling of accomplishment. But as I walk down the hall, the doors to my left and right keep opening and there are people or projects or paperwork calling out my name, asking for my attention. They are all worthy diversions to that straight walk to the door at the end of the hall. I am ducking into side doors, talking to co-workers, doing work, seeing family and friends, fixing things -- basically managing day to day life as well as enjoying the things in life unrelated to what’s behind that door at the end of the hall. This is the life of a triathlete – balance the side doors with the end door. I keep moving towards the end door, but I try not to neglect, compromise, or resent the sides – they are all part of who I am and are integral to whether I make it to the end door. When they call, I try to answer. A hallway with no side doors is not the balanced life I aim to live.

Ideal conditions. How often do you get to say that on race morning? There was no denying that the 700+ racers had lucked out with the water temperature (wetsuit legal), partly sunny skies, cool temperature (for August in St. Louis), and relatively light wind. I reminded myself that I was lucky to be healthy and feeling good and that in itself is a victory. I told myself, “the best you can do is the best you can do.”

Unlike the usual last minute scrambling, I got a nice bike rack position and had plenty of time to get set up and ready. Wife of Activeness (WOA) Jamie and I headed down to the swim start at the edge of the lake. I had some waiting to do since several waves of racers would start before me and my silver-capped comrades in the 35-39 age group got the go ahead. Jamie was not able to race due to injury, but gave me her unconditional support as always (Activated!).

The swim start felt great. The water was calm and there weren’t too many of us swimming on top of each other (the complete opposite of Kansas 70.3 in June which was referred to as a “bloodbath” by one of the guys in my wave). I was secretly confident in my swimming as I had seen my splits at the pool come down over the last few months. That didn’t always translate on race day, so I just kept at it and hoped for the best. Soon there were all different color caps around me. I was catching the groups ahead and the fastest swimmers in the group behind were also showing up. I made it to the lake shore and felt good and saw that I had improved from the prior year by about 18 seconds. Right on!


The uphill run into transition and difficult wetsuit removal had my heartrate soaring, but I was soon on the bike and getting settled into the cockpit. The bike felt good and there was good action to keep me motivated and trying to pass people. I played leapfrog with Greg S for about 10 miles, until finally pulling away near the turnaround. The turnaround involved a tight 180 where I had to put a foot down to avoid capsizing. As I got back onto the pedals, I apologized to the guy that I had cut off and he wished me well as I continued past him (Activated!). I came up alongside a racer as I was switching gears, and he looked over and asked “Are you going for it?” His question caught me off guard and all I could think to say was, “We’ll see!” (I deactivate myself for the lame response.) I climbed the final hill and jumped off the bike shoes and ran to the rack where I proceeded to knock over my water bottles which sent the Gatorade flowing all over the place as the lid broke. Nevermind. My bike split ended up 10 seconds faster than last year. Cool. Visor, shoes, racebelt, GU, and go.

Around the first turn out of transition and down the hill past a smiling and waving Jamie, I peeked at my watch and calculated a similar elapsed time as last year. The early rolling hills had me breathing hard and I didn’t find a rhythm until mile 2 or 3. The temperature was great, I felt good and thought I was moving pretty well. I had not taken any non-liquid nutrition and was not feeling low on energy. I stuck with water at the aid stations and kept pushing. There were a few faster runners throughout the 10K that made me try to up my pace, but for the most part, I stuck with my own tempo which felt hard, but doable. As I approached the finish area, I could see there was a chance I could best my time from last year. I picked up the pace and raced up the hill, running past a cheering Jamie on the final turn and getting across the finish line with a time that was 7 seconds faster overall than last year. The run was actually slower by 31 seconds, but in retrospect I wasn’t surprised due to my run training as of late.


Beating my time from last year was a good feeling. Maintaining my overall place (13th) was also pleasing. So dropping to 5th in my age group was no big deal and allowed us to leave early and not have to wait for the awards. Win-win.

If this was my last dance in the 35-39 age group, it was a nice way to wrap up 5 years of good racing memories and competitive challenges.

I really appreciate everyone’s support again this season – volunteers, athletes, training partners, spectators, wife, family, friends, and co-workers. Mass Activation.

JPD

Race Report: O'Fallon YMCA 15K Springtime Challenge

O'Fallon, Illinois
April 4, 2009

Have you ever dreamt of winning a race? I probably have, but I'm not sure. Sometime after I hung up the uniform and put away the goalie gloves, dreams of being #1 at anything became dreams of being the best I could be at a lot of things. This usually put me in the competitive category in running and eventually multi-sport, but even having done some National and World competitions, "elite" would be a stretch. I am, if anything, a realist, perhaps to a fault. But maybe I did have that dream about winning a race some day or at least I should have. Today, at age 38, with a time that was not my fastest 15K, I won a race. This is usually where I say, "in my age group", but not today. For the first time ever, I can say that I won first place overall. Oh, and since the course was different from last year -- a course record (cash bonus). When it rains, it pours, and this is the Midwest in early spring and we're expecting snow on Monday, too. Today, however, there was no rain, no snow, only a dream fulfilled, albeit with plenty of caveats (mainly that there were no elite runners present).

The horn sounded while I was in mid-stretch and I looked up to see if it was a mistake when the starter looked at me and said, "Go!" What? Are you serious?!

I'd say there were 200 or so people pushing forward, doing either the 5K, 10K, or 15K. The bulk of the participants near the front made the left turn, meaning they were going at least 10K. Immediately, about 4 guys crossed to the far side of the road as if they were going to turn right for the 10K. But then I saw cars approaching and I thought this was just a safety precaution, so I joined them on the right side. But when we soon approached the intersection where 10K'ers turned right and 15K'ers turned left, I was suddenly in the lead of the 15K. A quick glance over my shoulder and I saw that at least one guy was close behind and going long too. We were soon at the 1-mile marker and I was still in front. I felt pretty good but was probably going too fast for that distance, understandably inspired to "be in yellow" so to speak.

I kept listening for footsteps. Nothing. Mind games, yes. Should I look back, or is that bad luck? Is thinking about winning less than 1/3 of the way through the race bad karma? Will I somehow screw up this opportunity to win? Just run, man.

Mile four -- still just me. Stop thinking and just keep the effort. The mile splits were slower than the first mile, but fairly consistent considering the hills. Running on the shoulder, in the lead, not knowing how it would all go — it was a new feeling for me.

I wondered if I would go faster if I was chasing someone? Or am I going faster because I'm running scared of being caught? I don't know, just run, man.

Random thoughts: "Did that lady just say 'less than 15K to go'"? "Those guys on the group ride looked surprised to see me but boy, did they ever get some sweet weather for a change." "Oh my gosh, I'm still winning, this might actually happen." "There aren't many people out here." "Is that barking dog chasing me?" "Should I look back to see what my lead looks like?" (I decided to only look on turns and OK, I looked a few other times toward the end.)

Just after the middle of the race, I did feel something rare. Freedom. For once, I was not chasing something, wishing I was faster. I was doing my best and today, in this tiny little race just east of St. Louis, it was good enough. There was no to-do list or I should have or I'm going to start this or I need to change that...it was just momentary freedom.

I still had miles to go though and in every race I've ever done (several hundred I'm sure) someone always came by me before the finish. Always. Every single time. Would this ... could this be different?

Hill after hill -- ugh. I'm getting closer. This is really happening. I don't think my time is anything special, but I'm winning. Oh, now I'm passing people from the 10K, and they are encouraging me! Activated!

There is the YMCA building. There is the 9-mile mark. This is going to happen! Straight down the parking lot, spread those wings as if I just won Falmouth. The finish line volunteers appeared to be caught by surprise -- "Oh, our first 15K!" I got a drink and thought about what had just happened. It was different, but mostly the same, but wow, just once, or at least once, I won, I actually won. Crazy.

Wife Jamie was making her way closer to the end of a good race herself and when she was close enough she had a big smile and asked if I had won. I guess she had seen me up ahead early in the race on some of those long roads. I almost couldn't believe the answer when I told her "Yes, I did." I wasn't sure this would ever come my way, so I didn't know how to "act like I've been there before". I was just taking it all in and enjoying the moment, no matter how small time and fleeting it might all be.

And just to confirm it was all really happening, my first and last name were completely butchered and unrecognizable when announced to pick up my medal and cash prize. It was like someone played a word scramble with the letters.

JPD

X-Rated Twitter

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Later,
Racer X

Race Report: U-City 10-Miler

Centennial Commons, University City, Missouri
March 29, 2009

Snow was in the forecast. Come on, it's almost April. When I peaked through the blinds when the alarm went off I saw the white yard but no accumulation on the streets. As much as I wanted to crawl back under the covers, it looked like the race would be a go. It would be cold and wet, oh, and windy, but bailing due to weather conditions was not justifiable.

The short drive to the recreation center was a plus, and it was a chance to check out the facility that I had not seen yet. Pretty nice. Even an indoor soccer field. I wondered if it was the same one I had spent so many years playing on in the 80s, only under a new roof.

Soon we were gathered out on the road to get started. A few familiar faces, small talk, no real warmup to speak of, and oh, hey is that Ronald McDonald in full get-up telling us the race is about to start?

The first couple miles were generally uphill and I thought my pace was slow, but there were others who usually pull ahead of me that were not doing so, so I figured it was OK -- just the hills holding us all back a little. It was first down and then up to the High School (class of 88), followed by more gradual climbing towards the Jr. High (class of 84). The pack was thinned out and I had a good group to try and stick with. Two guys had problems and seemed to hit a wall or have physical issues as they pulled up to regroup. I was hanging with "Sham Rock" (nickname I came up with based on his shirt). We were together a few miles, but when we circled back past the High School and then up the steepest part of the course, he created separation and was far enough ahead that I could no longer key off of him. Instead I wanted to close the gap to "Blueberry" (nickname I came up with based on bright blue shirt and blue dotted tights).

My watch was telling me that my mile splits were due to erratic pacing, but I think my effort was consistent. It was more a matter of the terrain and wind dictating the tempo. I eventually closed on Blueberry and hoped I could maybe even surge the last 3 miles to attempt a strong finish and get closer to the time goal range I had hoped for. Unfortunately, the course did not cooperate. I was into the wind and facing more uphill action. I was wearing the mask of pain when I saw WOA Jamie (Wife of Activeness) coming towards me and smiling. I gave a wave and soldiered on, happy to see she was doing well. Blueberry had been inspired to pick up the pace when I had passed him, and was now pulling back in front of me around mile 8-9.

At the final right turn, there was about a mile left and I was surprised to see the two guys who I thought had bonked recover strong and cruise by me. I pushed the flat fast final mile and got about 20 yards ahead of Blueberry, coming in a few minutes slower than I had hoped. As I crossed the final cone in front of a lot of the guys from 180 Energy Running and the Ghisallo Shop, I heard someone label Blueberry as "2nd Place in the Professor Division" (he had the look and probably had 10-15 years on me). Nice work, sir!

Grabbed a coat and dry shirt and came back to see Jamie finish up around her expected time. Tough course, gritty conditions, solid effort, good benchmark and reminder to work hard and try to improve for the half marathon in about three weeks.

-JPD

PS - Noticed in race results (besides me being in the female category in the first draft) that "Blueberry" is only 42. Hope he doesn't read this since I said he was like 50. My bad.

Waking Up

Yawn...

Trek Bikes "Believe" Commercial

After seeing it at least 20 times on the Versus Tour de France coverage, I still like this commercial. Rarely does any TV spot get noticed around Activeness! world headquarters, but this one has been Activated. I believe it's an award-winner.

Nothing to Do With Anything

But it's a start...

Activeness Absence: Been Busy Playing Prison Rules

"Let's see what you got, White Shadow!"

Network Marketing Slogan of the Day

“When you’re down, call your upline. When you’re up, call your downline.”

Word.

"Twenty-Six Miles Not Far"

Six Maasai warriors from Tanzania will run the London Marathon wearing sandals made of car tires — and taking in no water. "Back at home we sometimes run for 5 or 6 days, day and night," said one young warrior. "Twenty-six miles not far." They hope to raise enough money to find a fresh water source for their community. Reuters story.

Race Report: O'Fallon Springtime 15K Challenge

My knee had been feeling better and the forecast was dry, so super-FOA Jamie and I signed up for the 15K over in Illinois. We didn't know what to expect in terms of the crowd, the course, or the competition. It was colder than expected and so I went with tights, long sleeves, gloves and an ear-wrap. More than 300 runners made the starting line, running in the same direction to begin with, but then splitting into three routes of 5K, 10K, and 15K. The race director informed us that these were "super races," which apparently is a nice way of saying "longer than advertised." Each race was about 3/10 of a mile too long.

Once the 15Kers made the left turn, I could see that there were four elites already separating themselves from the field. I was in the second pack. Hit the 1-mile mark thinking it shouldn't have felt so hard. The wind was strong. Rick decided the pace was too easy and made his break, leaving me and another guy to trade off 6th and 7th place. We ran stride for stride without saying a word for another three miles. Not one word. But it actually felt like we were having a conversation. Work the uphills, cruise the downhills, keep an eye on the leaders, still visible in the straightaway distance. Keep an eye on the other guy. Is he hurting? Am I? Can he hold this pace? Can I? How old is he? Looks like a foreigner to me. Maybe German. He's in good shape. I hope when I'm his age.... Not one word. I'm enjoying this conversation I thought to myself.

At the first water stop, 4+ miles in, I was dry and concerned about the lack of water stations. I slowed and took water. Mr. Talkative did not, and was quickly 15 yards ahead. He looked to see if I would catch up, and I tried, but it wasn't going to happen. I spent the next five miles keeping him in my sights, gradually falling back. There were some lonely sections. Nobody around. No volunteers, no spectators, no signs. The garage sale sign almost tricked me into making the wrong turn. There was even a roundabout where you had to choose your own path to circumnavigate. That's a big decision to make after eight miles near the anaerobic zone.

As I neared the exit of the neighborhood, my watch crossed the 1-hour mark and the finish was in sight. Rick (5th place) was running back on the cool down and pointed me to the finish. Through the increasing morning traffic, I made it into the parking lot and crossed the line for 7th overall, 2nd 30-39.

I grabbed a drink and a coat and headed back up course to see Jamie come flying around the corner as one of the top women finishers. Although a little hobbled, she managed 2nd place in her age group!

Zac smashed the course record, going under 50 minutes and deservedly picking up the prize money. Activated!

A Runner's High is Real

A new study makes connections between euphoria and running.

"The data showed that, indeed, endorphins were produced during running and were attaching themselves to areas of the brain associated with emotions, in particular the limbic and prefrontal areas. The limbic and prefrontal areas, Dr. Boecker said, are activated when people are involved in romantic love affairs or, he said, you hear music that gives you a chill of euphoria, like Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3. The greater the euphoria the runners reported, the more endorphins in their brain."

I'd like to comment on this report, but since I finished my 12-mile run this morning I've been too busy eating Doritos, drinking Dr. Pepper and listening to Dark Side of the Moon on my iPod.

Activating Ronaldo's Back-Heel Goal

The difference between skill and what I have:

Activating Matt Cazalas

Wheels up! SwimBikeRun St. Louis Czar Matt Cazalas has auctioned off many of his possessions and hit the road unsupported on his touring bike, with all his gear in tow, no knowledge of where he'll sleep each night, and no plans to see the St. Louis Arch again until September.

The title of his journal's web site — crazyguyonabike.com — sort of says it all.

The entire Activeness staff is impressed. In fact, Anonymous Racer X is considering a similar journey. He has begun exploring ways to hitch a trailer to his bike so he can haul his hyperbaric chamber and sleep in that along the way.

Good luck, Mr. C., and stay safe! A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Racer X: 100 Best First Lines From Novels (28-30)

Wherein Anonymous Racer X takes the 100 Best First Lines From Novels and turns each line into the opening of a lame tri-blog post by an infuriatingly self-obsessed triathlete.

Today's installment: Opening Lines 28-30.
Previous installment (25-27).

28. Mother died today.
But I still got in a 25/5 brick while Sophii took care of the arrangements.
— Albert Camus, The Stranger (1929)

29. Every summer Lin Kong returned to Goose Village to divorce his wife, Shuyu.
So that the week wasn't a total wash, he always tried to time his appearance in court around Ironman China.
— Ha Jin, Waiting (1999))

30. The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.
That pallid, spiritless hacker may be able to journey like a madman through cyberspace, but he'd have trouble even running a mile.
— William Gibson, Neuromancer (1984

Deactivating Night Sweats

Fourteen consecutive nights of flu-related night sweats: You have been Deactivated. After all these years, I discovered a new use for Coolmax clothing: wicking away the wetness during a fever. As with running, cotton is rotten when it comes to night sweats.

Anonymous Racer X Sighting

Friend of Activeness (FOA) Joe sends this report of a sighting of Anonymous Racer X, who teaches us all how to live life at 80-90% VO2max.

Yo. I think I saw X this morning at the Y.

As you know, the Y opens promptly at 5:00 a.m. I showed up at 5:15 to swim and on my way to the locker room I heard madness in the cardio room. Upon a further look, I discovered a beast of a man, running on treadmill 5 at an incredible rate. The Y had only been open for 15 minutes, but the treadmill computer showed that he had already logged 10 miles. Mind boggling! I tried to walk around to get a glimpse at his face, but that experience turned out to be Biblical... All I could see was a very bright light and it appeared that he was gnashing his teeth. After evaluating the rest of him I discovered that he wasn't sweating. UNREAL!

Further, every TV in the room was displaying coverage from the 2004 IM Kona, but not the usual NBC coverage. It was one camera crew following behind one man during the entire event.

After my 40 minutes swim workout, I exited the Y to find that the room had gone back to normal except Treadmill 5 now has an "Out of Order" sign posted on it. I think I may have smelled burning rubber.

Do you think it was him?

Activations: Microcosm Run

February 17, 2008

Crazy run out there today.

I had a 21-miler schedule on the marathon training program. The weather was potentially volatile. High winds and possible heavy downpours later in the morning. The temperature was OK, so I decided I would run the three miles toward the gym, thinking I could duck in and do some treadmill mileage if the weather turned. Or, if things looked OK, keep going, circle toward the park, run a few loops and head home.

First, I wondered if my knee was capable of going 21 miles. I had a boost of enthusiasm from the previous day's 5-mile race, but I had doubts as to whether I could cover that kind of mileage and what the weather had in store.

The fuel belt was loaded and I headed out. The knee was sore early on. I was already questioning myself. Do I turn back? No, it will loosen up. Man, it's windy. I'm getting blown backwards and sideways.

At mile 3 passing the gym, no signs of rain. I'll keep going. Hey, is that Activeness' John driving up toward the gym on this back street? It was. A short exchange on what we were up to and then I kept going.

Around mile 6, the rain started. Then it opened up. I don't know the definition of a monsoon, but that's what I'm calling it. I was soaked and the wind was ripping. I better turn back, this is crazy. I'll go back to the gym or home, this is not looking good. Less than two miles later it stopped monsooning and I eventually turned back toward the park again on a different parallel street.

By mile 10 I felt good and thought I could possibly go the distance if I could continue like this. I headed up the big hill in the park, waved to Dave heading in the opposite direction and started to feel more pain in the knee. I'll see if it feels better at the top of the hill, I thought to myself. It didn't. I had reached my pain threshhold and decided I better turn around and head for home, which was probably another 3 miles away. Halfway down the hill I see Dave and it looks like he wants to join me, but before he gets any ideas, I stop and tell him I'm hobbling. We jogged a little more and caught up on life (and our injuries) before he offered me a much needed ride home. Turns out he just had his fourth child two weeks ago. Wow.

I only got in 11.5 miles of my scheduled 21, but I was happy to be home in one piece. While frustrated with an unexplainable injury, I thought back on this crazy run as a microcosm of what life throws at you over time.

There was enthusiasm and confidence from Saturday's race result, mixed with doubts and questions. There were headwinds slowing me down. I unexpectedly saw a close friend when I least expected it, checking on my progress. The heavy storms came and forced me to regroup and head toward safety. The storms then let up and gave me new courage to keep going. Then another setback, telling me I should stop for the day, followed by a bail out and lift home from a helping friend. It hit me that the mind games, emotion and events of just that one run mirror life's twists and turns, peaks and valleys. It was simply a microcosm of life played out in an attempted Sunday long run.

Race Report: Ghisallo Frosty 5

Five months have gone by since the Ironman in Louisville last August. During that time, the hours of training have been replaced by other life-changing preparations, namely moving into a new house, getting engaged, and planning a summer 2008 wedding!

Although the swimming pool has not gotten much play, I've tried to do some running to prepare for a potential spring marathon.

With a Saturday morning open from travel, appointments and classes — and a local race literally around the corner from home — it seemed like the perfect occasion to test the competitive waters after a lengthy hiatus from the racing scene. I wondered if doing OK on a treadmill recently would translate to a real race.

It was in the 20s temperature-wise but the turnout was impressive and a lot of familiar faces and old friends were there. Jamie and future MILOA Judy (Mother-In-Law of Activeness) came out to support me and our friends who were running. Thanks!

We started the five miles heading north, just past my house, then right at the cemetery. Wow, people were flying out of the gates like it was a 100-meter dash. Am I going that slow? No, this feels right.

The course was similar to one I ran by coincidence the week before on my own. Something I like to call the memory run -- going past my high school and junior high. At the first mile I was in front of the church where a week earlier I had been going through marriage preparation class. My watch said 6:09. Perhaps a little fast, but there was a good stretch of downhill in there. Soon the pack had thinned and I was picking off a few people and uncharacteristically not being overeager, nor getting passed by the patient runners who really know how to race. Around midway we came near the start area and I gave a wave and took a cup of water. The gradual hills hurt me and the chasers behind me would pull even by the top of each climb. I seemed to then recover and surge forward. Closer to mile 4, I could see Todd, Rich and Amy (lead woman) ahead and I thought I was gaining on them slightly.

The final mile was quicker than miles 2-4 and I was able to cross the line about 30 seconds above my PR. My creaky knee had held up and I was happy to have a good showing after such a long layoff. It was good to see the neighborhood in action and have a lot of friends out there. The post-race smorgasbord at Ryan's house was a great way to cap the morning.

Anonymous Racer X: Presidential Runs

I stopped in the middle of my usual Tuesday 20-mile run to vote in yesterday's primary. Because the presidential race is often called a marathon, the only non-heathen candidate I could vote for is marathon preacher Mike Huckabee. But I have to say he's on notice: For the primary I can forgive Huck for not believing in evolution (show me the proof) and for being from Arkansas. But if he does get the Republican nomination then I am going to need him to break 4:00 in the marathon before the general election if he wants the X Man's vote. I hope he's doing plenty of fartleks.

Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: My Super Bowl 'Live Blog'

6:00-6:25 Caught some of Fox's pregrame show while sorting new shipment of GUs.
6:25-6:30 Sent email to Bill Belichick informing him that I'm currently without a tri coach and asking him to submit a proposal.
6:30-9:30 Rode trainer while watching personalized DVD of 2002 Ironman Florida race. Went harder when downstairs neighbor began hitting ceiling with broom.
9:30-10:00 Shaved arms in shower.
10:00-10:07 Visited espn.com to see if any of my 'squares' won in Globo-Corp office pool. Couldn't figure it out.
10:07-10:10 Envisioned how badly I would kick Eli Manning's ass in a masters swim workout. Wondered if Plaxico Burress owns a tri bike.
10:10-12:00 Tossed and turned in bed after realizing I should have done trainer workout in Zone 2 instead of Zone 3. Worst Super Bowl ever.

Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: Treadmill Shock

Something is wrong with the treadmills at my gym. "Out of order" signs are hanging on the last five treadmills the X-Man has used for my long (20 miles or more) runs. Is it because they are inferior Korean models and not American-made classics? Is it because of my punishing, take-no-prisoners style of running? I've been told by jealous gym patrons that the pounding of my feet combines with my incessant grunting to create a roar akin to a commercial airliner taking off but, since I use a Zune for tunes — I don't understand the world's fascination with iPods — it's not a problem.

When I do my long runs indoors, I get there at 4:59 AM, one minute before the gym opens, so I can sign out three successive treadmills for the duration. I run on the middle machine. On the treadmill to my right I place my cooler of sports drinks, energy bars, gels, fruit and ice. The treadmill to my left is where I store my personal-needs equipment such as towels, Body Glide, replacement shirts, socks and shoes, heart rate monitors (always bring a backup), electric razors (a three-hour run provides the perfect time to shave my legs and chest), a standup mirror so I can monitor my form and the collection of fans I use to simulate wind resistance.

Apparently some people complain to gym management that one person should not be able to tie up three machines at a time but, like I told Abbii, they're just jealous my three percent body fat. Snap!

Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: On My Way to Green Bay to Meet the Packers Bikini Girls

After seeing the Packers Bikini Girls bravely putting their bodies on the line to support their team in the subzero temperatues on the frozen tundra in Green Bay on Sunday, I've decided that the X-Man needs to meet these three lovely ladies in person. Clearly we're kindred souls, united by a drive to push our bodies to the limit, to embrace the absolute extremes in life.

For the long drive up north, I have stocked the Rover with a cooler full of Red Bull, four water bottles of lemon lime Accelerade, a box of GU and six Clif Bars. I'll wear nothing but a cheesehead hat and my Borat, Packers-green "mankini" Speedo — the same one that helped me place 39th in my age group at Memphis in May last year. I believe this will instantly identify the X-Man to the Bikini Girls as a trusted friend and soul mate.

Because I'm worried about the health of these gals — and because I like to party — I plan to bring lots of Vaseline, Body Glide, Under Armour and nip guards. I'll offer them a seminar on protecting themselves while training or supporting the home team in inclement weather, seek out a masters swim session in Green Bay, and then invite the Bikini Girls back to my room at the Motel 6 to view my collection of race hardware and watch my personalized DVD from Ironman Arizona 2004. I DNF'ed at mile four of the bike because I felt like my potassium levels were low and just didn't want to risk it, but they'll be able to catch a glimpse of me during the swim.

I told Halii I needed to go to a meeting in Green Bay to discuss a deal involving my Race Hardware Maximizer with an investor. With any luck, I'll bring back a Packers Bikini Girl. Or even just a bikini. Wish me luck, playas.

Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: Bike Century Tug of War

When I challenged Ty to a bike tug of war after I overheard him bragging about his wind-aided bike split at Kona, he had no idea what he was in for. He may have won this battle shown on the video below — that's me bringing up the rear, still fighting against him for the entire 100 miles — but I will win the war when we face off again at Pigman this summer. I blame my subpar leg strength on Laterrii's rancid pasta broccoli that turned into a carbo 'unload' the night before. I asked for my key back — and the $17.64 I spent buying groceries for the meal she butchered. There really is no price I can put on losing the bike tug of war to Ty, but I have asked my attorney to think about assigning one as part of the legal action I'm planning to initiate. Clearly somebody needs to teach her a life lesson about the critical importance of cooking for endurance athletes.



Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: Does the Aquaduct Have an Aerobars Option?

Dude, I can't even count how many times I have been out riding a double century in some remote jungle and desperately needed a mobile filtration system. This Aquaduct bike would totally rock if it came with some aerobars. I wonder if John Cobb would help fit me with some before Wildflower?



Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: Call Me

With the half marathon and marathon taking place in exactly 12 weeks, I knew that all the new young running femininas would be out in force at the park this morning. Why? Because experienced racers like myself know the typical newbie follows a 12-week plan. Me? I'm in week 45 of my half marathon plan, which I adapted from Peter Reid's 2003 Ironman World Championship-winning training plan, but that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, despite the 13 degree temperature and biting northwest wind, I decided to schedule a 24-mile run so that I'd be out long enough to assess the current crop of femininas — and to give them all the opportunity to assess the X-Man's body. As usual, I wore the shirt with my cell phone number printed on the front as my outer layer and deleted all my old saved voice mails to make room for the typical influx of messages.

We'll see how it goes. If none of these newbies pan out, I received a complimentary and, reading between the lines a little, extremely suggestive email this week from long-time X-Man groupie and FOA Susii Q. So, depending on her most recent 10-K time — I still require documentation that any feminina I date has broken 45 minutes (45:30 for natural blondes) within the past 12 months — Susii could be the perfect fallback.

Call me,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: Seeing Red Over Orange

It's over. Against my clear and strong advice, Lacii went and bought a new pair of lightweight orange Brooks Burn trainers to wear for our Tues.-Thurs. speedwork sessions at the track. How can I be seen with her in my canary yellow Land Rover if she's wearing those bright orange shoes? Dude, the color clash is unbearable!

So the X-Man is breaking up with her after Masters swimming tonight (Why ruin an important workout by doing it beforehand?). It's definitely for the best, as I've been pondering ways to make the move to her twin sister, Macii, ever since Macii nipped Lacii at the finish line of last week's Snowball Series 16K . It’s technically not Lacii's fault that guy tripped her, but those kinds of horrible memories just don't go away.

Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: Resolution and Conflict

When I make a New Year's Resolution I keep it. That supreme dedication and iron will, along with my canary yellow Land Rover and matching I-dot tattoo, has become an X-Man trademark.

In 2008 I resolved not to take the elevator to or from my 11th floor office at the Globo-Corp headquarters tower for an entire year. Desirii's detailed calculations showed that taking the stairs every trip would help me burn enough calories to drop 2.8 lbs. by 2009. Dude, I paid north of $6K to shave that much weight off my new titanium Serotta frame.

Yesterday when I was walking into the building from teaching three back-to-back-to-back lunchtime spin classes, Robert from HR asked me how my 2008 race season was shaping up. To give him the proper context for this year, of course I first had to go back to my DNF at Wildflower in 1999 and take him through my DNS due to gout at Kona last fall. As I was explaining to Robert the magical feeling of the lava fields along the Queen K Highway and gently pointing out that he will never know how it feels, I stepped onto the elevator and the doors closed.

"Nooooo!" I screamed, as the elevator began to ascend and I realized my 2008 resolution had just gone up (literally) in smoke.

Robert couldn't have expected the swift, hard kidney punch that he received, but he couldn't prove it, either, because it left no marks and there were no witnesses. I can only hope that in the future he'll be more discreet with his questions.

Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: Fluid Replacement Sabotage

When I took a run break at the Rover to replenish after my first six-mile loop yesterday, I reached into my gym bag to down much-needed gulps of the 64-ounce bottle of orange Gatorade I had purchased on the way to the park that morning. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the previously unopened bottle was bone dry, with the former contents drained into my bag, soaking the assortment of cycling, swimming, weightlifting and yoga clothes I had packed for my post-run workout while also robbing me of the critical fuel I needed to complete my scheduled 24-mile run.

WTF, man? Did I loosen the cap and take a swig in the QuikTrip parking lot before tossing the bottle into my bag? I have to admit I was blurry-eyed from my late-night rendezvous with Randii – we caught a midnight Pink Floyd "The Wall" laserium show before heading back to my condo -- but the idea that I would make that type of newbie mistake seems highly improbable.

Because I never lock my car doors – people around here know better than to mess with the X-Man's ride – my thoughts naturally turned to drink sabotage. Did Ty's grandmother really die or was that just a convenient excuse not to show up for our run – thus freeing him to ruin my workout by eliminating my fluid replacement source while also soaking my clothes? I'm not one to make unsubstantiated allegations, but those footprints in the mud by the Rover sure looked like they came from Ty's trademark size 12 white and blue Saucony ProGrid Trigon 5 racing shoes.

I guess I can't prove anything -- yet -- but if Ty beats me in the Frostbite series 20K this weekend then I will have to say something because that victory definitely would be tainted.

Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: Pinned-Up Aggression

Shout out to Globo-Corp: A 50ish white guy in a three-piece suit just called from 1987: He wants his logo lapel pin back. Mucho thanks for the holiday gift, but next time just lay the $1.99 on me and remember that, apart from 9-5 on Monday through Friday (and during my M-W-F lunchtime spin classes), I'm sponsored by Team Compound W (unlimited free wart removal formula), not you. Damn, man, Christii got an iTouch from her firm. Though maybe I can use this stupid pin to close the hole on my favorite Sugoi cycling pants so I can wear them next week for the Team CW's Polar Bear ride.

Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: The (Fast) Doctor Is In

This New York Times article about athletes seeking out doctors who are athletes too makes me feel vindicated for dropping Dr. Rowan after he went over 14 hours at Ironman Wisconsin. Darcii may only be a second-year student at veterinary school, but it just feels right for my doctor to be a babe who can go sub-11:00 at Ironman even on a bad day — and look hot doing it. And, knock on wood, her last treatment definitely solved my flea problem.

Later,
Racer X

Anonymous Racer X: Hog Heaven

Back in August my agent, Chuck, who also is my mailman, received advance word that I likely would be named in the Mitchell Report. Being the only amateur triathlete highlighted in the midst of all these cheating professional baseball players was the X Man's greatest honor. I'm sure the connection was my masseuse, Brandii, who had dated the Canseco brothers before we hooked up in my Land Cruiser one Saturday morning after a sprint tri in Charlotte.

But being called out also was uncool in one big way. In case the ITU wanted to make an example out of me, I had to preempt any potential punitive action by laying low and disappearing from the tri scene for a while.

I've been bummed and burned out since The Bachelor didn't return my wave right before I DNF'd on the Ironman Louisville bike course due to a mechanical problem with my water bottle cage. So I sold Bernice, my Softride, and bought a one-way ticket to London to camp out for Led Zeppelin tickets at The 02 earlier this month. Dude, there's nothing better than crossing the finish line of a tri and knowing you are going to take home hardware, but rocking hard to Stairway with a bunch of stoned Brits...that's a close second.

Later — and happy holidazed and confused,
Racer X