Bjarne Riis Admits to Doping

Team CSC owner/director and 1996 Tour de France champion Bjarne Riis has admitted that he was a doper and offered to turn in his yellow winner's jersey. "I am doing this today because I wish for cycling to have a good future." There's a man with a conscience. Cycling's code of silence appears to be crumbling.

The QT on the Big 48

Today I had to actually run inside a QuikTrip. Man, they sell a ton of crap in those stores. I was amazed.

But I finally figured out what 99.48% of the people in the 48 continental U.S. states are doing when they're not cruising the highways between their jobs and their suburban homes: They're all spending $48 filling up their $48K SUV gas tanks at one of QT's 48 pumps, they're all 48 pounds overweight, and they're all buying 48-oz. drinks and 480-calorie candy bars from a choice of 48 different QT varieties.

QuikTrip: For just being too much and too good at what you do -- which is to cater to the ravenously obnoxious American consumer -- you have been Deactivated. There must be more to life than convenience, cheap super-sized slushy drinks and powdered donuts.

Coming up soon: Whatever You Do, Cyclists, Don't Look at the Levitating Zombie Goats on Peyote.

Dan Wetzel Calls Out Floyd Landis

"People are defined by their principles and how they make their decisions and Floyd Landis is no different. He's a despicable rat, a coward and a cowering, desperate puddle of a person."

Wow, I guess Dan Wetzel won't be invited to Floyd Landis's next "prank" phone calling party. I don't know if I've ever seen a leading columnist write with so much venom about a top pro athlete. If Yahoo! Sports was ESPN.com and Floyd Landis was Roger Clemens — or if Joe Sixpack considered cycling a real sport — Wetzel's "Cycle of Cowardice" column would be front page news. Here's the story, which I kind of dig.

Hey, at least Floyd's ex-manager is going to "rehab" for his (potentially felonious) "faux pas." Didn't know they had jackass rehab.

Deactivating The Venetian Hotel

A GloboCorp co-worker tells Activeness! that The Venetian Hotel in Vegas charged her $35 to use the fitness center one time — and she was a guest there.

"I felt way too much pressure to get in a good workout on the elliptical machine," she said.

I would have folded.

Shout out to JPD, SFOA Jamie and the "You have been Activated guy," who all raced at the Memphis in May triathlon yesterday. I hear JPD -- when he wasn't running eventual winner Chris "Macca" McCormack off the course -- had a fast race against strong competition.

Still coming soon: "Whatever You Do, Don't Look at the Goats."

Deactivating Activeness

Friend of Activeness (FOA) Ryan has Deactivated Activeness for failing to Activate or Deactivate much of anything lately. Deactivation accepted. (Thank you sir, may I have another?) JPD is midway through a 36-week Ironman training plan, Anonymous Racer X hasn't been heard from since he went to get a "I (heart) Kim Jong-II" tattoo on his calf after his DNS at Ironman North Korea, and I've been busy separating the wheat from the chaff.

But stay tuned for our next post: "Whatever You Do, DON'T Look at the Goats."

Landis: Doping or Just a Dope?

Great question, Sally Jenkins, ghostwriter of Lance's books. Though it's always a fun, harmless prank (WTF?) to threaten to expose someone's sexual abuse as a child, I'd also throw in Dumb and Dumber to describe Floyd and his "ex-manager/best friend" and the alleged attempt to blackmail Greg Lemond.

I Paid $38K a Year to Hear, "Feels like déjà-vu all over again"?

...from an eighth-grade dropout who played pro baseball half a century ago? For inviting Yogi Berra to give a graduation commencement address, Saint Louis University has been Deactivated. He's probably a nice guy, but I wouldn't want him sharing his "life lessons" with my kindergarten graduate.

Team Project Rwanda at Cape Epic