Anonymous Racer X: On My Way to Green Bay to Meet the Packers Bikini Girls

After seeing the Packers Bikini Girls bravely putting their bodies on the line to support their team in the subzero temperatues on the frozen tundra in Green Bay on Sunday, I've decided that the X-Man needs to meet these three lovely ladies in person. Clearly we're kindred souls, united by a drive to push our bodies to the limit, to embrace the absolute extremes in life.

For the long drive up north, I have stocked the Rover with a cooler full of Red Bull, four water bottles of lemon lime Accelerade, a box of GU and six Clif Bars. I'll wear nothing but a cheesehead hat and my Borat, Packers-green "mankini" Speedo — the same one that helped me place 39th in my age group at Memphis in May last year. I believe this will instantly identify the X-Man to the Bikini Girls as a trusted friend and soul mate.

Because I'm worried about the health of these gals — and because I like to party — I plan to bring lots of Vaseline, Body Glide, Under Armour and nip guards. I'll offer them a seminar on protecting themselves while training or supporting the home team in inclement weather, seek out a masters swim session in Green Bay, and then invite the Bikini Girls back to my room at the Motel 6 to view my collection of race hardware and watch my personalized DVD from Ironman Arizona 2004. I DNF'ed at mile four of the bike because I felt like my potassium levels were low and just didn't want to risk it, but they'll be able to catch a glimpse of me during the swim.

I told Halii I needed to go to a meeting in Green Bay to discuss a deal involving my Race Hardware Maximizer with an investor. With any luck, I'll bring back a Packers Bikini Girl. Or even just a bikini. Wish me luck, playas.

Later,
Racer X