Anonymous Racer X: Treadmill Shock

Something is wrong with the treadmills at my gym. "Out of order" signs are hanging on the last five treadmills the X-Man has used for my long (20 miles or more) runs. Is it because they are inferior Korean models and not American-made classics? Is it because of my punishing, take-no-prisoners style of running? I've been told by jealous gym patrons that the pounding of my feet combines with my incessant grunting to create a roar akin to a commercial airliner taking off but, since I use a Zune for tunes — I don't understand the world's fascination with iPods — it's not a problem.

When I do my long runs indoors, I get there at 4:59 AM, one minute before the gym opens, so I can sign out three successive treadmills for the duration. I run on the middle machine. On the treadmill to my right I place my cooler of sports drinks, energy bars, gels, fruit and ice. The treadmill to my left is where I store my personal-needs equipment such as towels, Body Glide, replacement shirts, socks and shoes, heart rate monitors (always bring a backup), electric razors (a three-hour run provides the perfect time to shave my legs and chest), a standup mirror so I can monitor my form and the collection of fans I use to simulate wind resistance.

Apparently some people complain to gym management that one person should not be able to tie up three machines at a time but, like I told Abbii, they're just jealous my three percent body fat. Snap!

Later,
Racer X