Hello, Onstar

OnStar: Hello, OnStar.
Customer: I'm trying to get home but I just realized I passed my highway exit 10 miles ago!
OnStar: Are you drunk?
Customer: No! I just rode my bike for five hours in the blazing heat and I'm toast.
OnStar: Sir, did you hydrate well? Salt tabs? And gels and bars: What was your nutrition plan?
Customer: Is that really important? How do I get home?
OnStar: Sir, I'm showing that the gels and salt tabs never made it out of your backseat cooler.
Customer: Please get me home. Last time I was this late my wife stuck a steak knife into my new Ironman Stealth Wetsuit!
OnStar: I'm dispatching a state trooper to administer some lemon-lime Accelerade and guide you home.
Customer: Thank you, OnStar!
OnStar: I've also notified your tri club of your bonk. It's totally a newbie move.
Customer: Damn you, OnStar!
(A JPD/John collaboration)