Holla at Hollywood: The Transatlantic Litmus Test

Lingus
Originally uploaded by jjactive.

How do our motion picture studios know when a movie they've been working on is ready for release? After sitting through four of the worst movies made since Water World during two recent transatlantic flights--Ocean's Twelve, Spanglish, Lemony Snicket, and some bomb with Nic Cage--I have developed a new litmus test.

Gather all the key players--the writers, director, producers, editors, and actors--put them in a cramped middle seat in coach next to a screaming Gaelic baby on an Aer Lingus Airbus A330, and force them to watch their "creation" while flying nonstop from LAX to Dublin. If the flick helps them pass two hours without giving them the urge to suffocate themselves with the motion sickness bag or dive out of the plane without a parachute, then it's ready for release. Simple.