Racer X: 100 Best First Lines From Novels (16-18)
Wherein Anonymous Racer X takes the 100 Best First Lines From Novels and turns each one into the opening of a really lame tri-blog post by an infuriatingly self-obsessed triathlete.
Today's installment: Opening Lines 16-18.
Previous installment (13-15).
16. If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.
I was half in love with my new Cervelo P3 Carbon by the time we started that first ride. That's the thing about tri bikes. Every time they ride really smoothly, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Bikes. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.
—J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye (1951)
17. Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo.
Unfortunately for the moocow and baby tuckoo, they didn't see Racer X hammering his bike down that straightaway on a day he was doing intervals. And he didn't see them. Once upon a time and a very sad time it was there was a terrible crash.
—James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (1916)
18. This is the saddest story I have ever heard.
Yes, as you suspected, this is the story about my DNF at Ironman Arizona. Months of training — and for what? I feel like that official got some type of perverse satisfaction from informing me I missed the bike cutoff and pulling me from the course. Clearly I should have waited until after I completed the race to get my Ironman tattoo.
—Ford Madox Ford, The Good Soldier (1915)
Today's installment: Opening Lines 16-18.
Previous installment (13-15).
16. If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.
I was half in love with my new Cervelo P3 Carbon by the time we started that first ride. That's the thing about tri bikes. Every time they ride really smoothly, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Bikes. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.
—J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye (1951)
17. Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo.
Unfortunately for the moocow and baby tuckoo, they didn't see Racer X hammering his bike down that straightaway on a day he was doing intervals. And he didn't see them. Once upon a time and a very sad time it was there was a terrible crash.
—James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (1916)
18. This is the saddest story I have ever heard.
Yes, as you suspected, this is the story about my DNF at Ironman Arizona. Months of training — and for what? I feel like that official got some type of perverse satisfaction from informing me I missed the bike cutoff and pulling me from the course. Clearly I should have waited until after I completed the race to get my Ironman tattoo.
—Ford Madox Ford, The Good Soldier (1915)
posted by Anonymous at Friday, April 14, 2006
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