Racer X: 100 Best First Lines (1-3)

Wherein Anonymous Racer X takes the 100 Best First Lines from Novels and turns each one into the opening of a really lame tri-blog post by an infuriatingly self-obsessed triathlete.

Today's installment: Lines 1-3.

1. Call me Ishmael.
But just don't ever, ever call me late for the Tuesday night group ride. Anyway, my name is Ezra.
—Herman Melville, Moby-Dick (1851)

2. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
And it is a truth slightly less universally acknowledged, but no less absolute, that a single man in possession of a large lump of cash is in even more want of a sweet tri bike with racing wheels that cost more than his first car. Get those and the wife will follow.
—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)

3. A screaming comes across the sky.
Even from all the way across the track, the familiar sound of that shriek tells me Ty has suffered yet another pulled hammie.
—Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow (1973)